It is so easy to think that our husbands, boyfriends, partners would read our minds, he should just know how we feel at a particular moment, after all, we are entwined in love and affection right? not! what happened to communication? what about expressing our thoughts and feelings so the other person can be on the "same page" as us.
when you find yourself in such a state that allows you to "suffer in silence", you should try and snap out of it, correct your behaviour and make adjustments in expressing your needs. I use to shut right down during my early years of marriage, I would sulk, hoping that my husband would understand what I am trying to convey to him. That didn't work out as planned. I soon learnt to speak up and vocalise how exactly I was really feeling about certain situations. I am thankful for the growth I have made so far, even though it's still a work in progress! 😊
Sometimes, on my low mood days, I would expect my husband to read my mind and show some Tender Love and Care (TLC) to his darling wife but of course not, the football match had preoccupied his mind and there was no room for anything else! I would chose to move away from him and start the "silent treatment" After all these years of marriage, you would think I should know better and realise men are not mind readers.
Deep down my heart I just wanted some attention or to hold a conversation but my behaviour was signalling otherwise. He would have noticed I was in a "bad mood" and had decided in his head that he wanted to leave me alone. Whilst I felt at the time that he did not care about my feelings at the time, nor bothered to "top up" my need for some affection - the both of us had a different take on the scenario which would usually end up in a longer misunderstanding and in anger. In hindsight, I could have just relayed the way I was feeling at the time or even sat with him to watch the football and therefore avoiding further frustrations and resentment. Oh boy! How much time and effort I would have saved myself right?
Being created as the nurturing gender, we want to take care of everyone and everything, solve their problems, talk, listen, be the disciplinarian as well as a listerning friend. Then we go through the 'mummy guilt' which most of us have been through many times (don't feel alone). We then turn to our other half and feel resentful because we feel he is not pulling his weight, well not in comparison to our many tasks!
In reality, the men are trying their best to support the family; they are wired to work and provide, in my experience, men are hunters, they feel it's their responsibility to provide for the family and I am grateful for that - who wants a lazy man? Certainly not me.
My husband is a workaholic, don't get me wrong, I am a hard worker too but I know when to switch off! I currently do not take work home (some of us still go into the office). I don't mind staying late in the office sometimes though, in order to complete an urgent report but I try not take it home because I like the transition from the work place to home life, especially with a family in sight. I know covid-19 has changed the way things are done, but we should really think about our health and well being and making time to relax and recuperate.
However, I feel as ladies we take on more (than we are suppose to) because we believe in our mind, our men are not good enough in the domestics/ raising children aspects of the family. I remember feeling guilty of that, especially when the children were much younger. I would take on more tasks mainly because I actually enjoyed being "hands-on" with their up bringing but also because I felt "he won't do it as good as I would" then I felt resentful when I recieved little or no help.
Another disparity is in being attentive, I am a story teller so I would narrate the whole story so he gets the full picture of the gist but him on the other hand, would either not say much or he would summarise. This use to make me feel as if he was not interested in the discussion and was not being present in the moment, when in retrospecth he felt he was fully on the conversation but didn't see the need to say too much! 😊
There will always be differences between men and women and there is no perfect method to breach the gap as there is no perfect couple in a perfect relationship. All I am aiming for is to encourage ladies to ask for help, they should make their request known because If you don't ask, you don't get!
So, ladies, let us learn from one another and communicate our needs, effectively! No man is a mind reader and they certainly would not attempt to dissect what exactly is bothering you if you don't spell it out! Let us not give the enemy a foothold in our relationship but let us all (both men and women), work harder on maintaining effective communication, love, respect and commitment in their homes. Find time to talk, un-pack the baggage, laugh together, cry together, seek each other's process and continue to be each other's cheer leaders!